When we find ourselves being defensive there’s a reason. We’re defending something, a belief, a nerve, a soft spot. When we feel defensive, we need to ask ourselves why? What bothers us in other people is usually a reflection of ourselves. There are many reasons why we are defensive. We could be reluctant to take responsibility; We could feel hurt or insecure or misunderstood; We might not know how to deal with our triggers; We could struggle to hold a space for other people’s opinions or we could feel threatened. When we are struggling with being defensive we need to remind ourselves of the following: We are not under attack; What the other person is saying may have some value and we should allow them to finish; We are not always right; It’s okay to disagree with someone; Some people may not understand what we are saying, it doesn’t mean we are wrong; It’s okay to let things go and having the last word does not mean we won the argument. We also could practice not responding to rudeness. When people are rude they reveal who they are not who we are, we don’t need to take it personally, we can be silent. Don’t defend your defensiveness.