Are You Mad At Them Or You?

Sometimes our anger is misplaced. We think we are angry at someone else when actually we are angry with ourselves. Likely because we didn’t set or maintain a boundary about what was or was not ok. As we grow we learn we have had a tendency to discharge emotion through blaming or complaining as we experience uncomfortable feelings and pain. We discharge the emotion or we numb it (through substances and/or behaviours) or we ignore it, deny it or supress it. As we progress we start to understand that we can and need to feel how we feel, regardless of the feeling (all feelings are valid) and it passes. We also learn how to respond as opposed to react. When we are mad at someone else, when we are triggered the answer is so rarely in the other person, it’s within us. Why am I mad? What’s triggered me? What’s my contribution? How can I take responsibility? More often than not we had expectations that were not met, so be became disappointed. Or we didn’t communicate or enforce a boundary. The more we expect of others, the more disappointed we can become. When we don’t say what is or is not ok, our boundaries get breached. How people behave, what they do and what they say is always about them. We can’t control that. We can only control how we choose to react or respond. Are you mad at them or you?

#areyoumadatthemoryou #boundaries #expectations #triggersareteachers #feelfeelings

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